Optimism FTW

Soooooooo… I was having a good November but when December rolled around I could feel something was off. He felt distant and not as fluffy. But I'm glad he told me how he truly felt and I am coming to terms with it. I felt kinda like I got acceptance letters to all these amazing school only for them to tell me, NOPE we don't want you hahahahahaha 

jk he said it in a sweet way so it wasn't really like that but it just feels like that. But you know what I'm awesome so suck it world. I am just gonna be nicer to you than you have been to me. 

I Need A Lighter

I want to burn this book. I found it on my abandoned bookshelf in my closet, looking through it, it makes me cringe seeing the values I thought a few years ago that were me. I want to live authentically and not be guided by should's and should not's. I can be just as feminine and amazing without books like these if I do not deny myself to live to my intuition.  

NOM NOM NOM

I just ate pasta an hour ago and now I ate another rice triangle and roll cake. But I still have so much appetite. I have never been craveful of food like this. And no I am not preggers. This is pretty much how I feel

FYI

I'm gonna be doing lots of posting on my frustration here. I'm in France and the first week has been the best yet worse.

How I wished it'd gone:

How it actually gone:

Pretty much I'm just trying not to cry even though he did nothing wrong but it just didn't turn out how I wanted it to. I doubt it would be easier if he was an asshole but I just liked him more and more as I spent more time with him. God damn it. 

AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

I don't get it. Why can't the people you like just like you back. And why can't guys like being chased after than the one doing the chasing. And why can't people just stop making me feel shitty if I want to holler at the top of my lungs to the guy I like that I have the biggest fattest most physician cautioned obese crush on him. Aghhh sexual politics!!! 

Meet My New Lover

I've ate almost two pints of this in the past twelve hours with chocolate fudge magic shell. I have decided it's my new favorite ice cream combination. I'm so full with satisfaction and pure bliss, I'm not even sorry. 

Shitty Shitty Bang Bang

Though I have been doing better with motivation, I think the fact that I haven't planned my days and giving it structure is causing me to fall back to "I don't wanna do anything" mode. I think that's why so far today I can't muster up to do my homework. But instead of just watching TV all day I did: put tape on my nipples because I was too lazy to wear a bra right before leaving the house, sold some clothes and got some new scarves, and deposited money at the ATM. Buying a cherry coke did help me through even though I know it can melt toilet bowls or whatever. It was a delicious vice nonetheless. Now off to do some planning. 

Materialistic Swooning

I have no idea if these are any good but I really want them because the packaging is so darn cute. I feel like if I did get them and used it all up, I'd just refill it with cheaper stuff and pretend on to enjoy the faux classy look at the pretty things I have lifestyle I shamelessly covet. 

Chilling In The U.S.A.

I'm back in the U.S. now and realized the way I left off last, it seems like the neighborhood kids killed me. I'm living quite the glamourous life back, drinking coffee from instant packages they give you in hotel rooms my mother has accumulated over the years from business trips to different countries. Look at me being all thrifty.

Even though summer break has technically started, I'm spending my days until I leave for France next Saturday finishing my essays that've accumulated this semester. I was super reluctant and ashamed to tell my professors about my situation and ask them to give me an extension but I realized if I had cancer or any other shitty illness I wouldn't be so hard on myself. So I said screw it and told them and it was the best decision ever. And I think in this is the first time that my focus & motivation has continued every single day when I need it to. Go Me!!

Somebody Help

The little kids playing outside that live in my neighborhood are scaring me. I think they are playing tag except the person who is it is suppose to act like a gorilla. Except their gorilla shrieks are exactly like a demon's. It sounds like an exorcism is going on. 

Daily Conversations: Creative Writing Class

Classmate: You're story is good but sometimes it gets too flowery with unnecessary adjectives so you might want to be careful with that.

Me: Okay I'll go de-flower it when I get home.

Looking Cute in Humidity

This scalloped cami from Anthropologie has been staple these days. Last week I was really really lazy and wore this top for three days straight, even to bed. Turns out if you just change whatever you're wearing in the bottom hemisphere of your body, these go with absolutely anything and makes you look crazy sexy in an adorable way. 

So If you're feeling like you're in a giving mood, wear this and step outside and it'll give everybody happy boners. They'll thank you. 

How To Get Motivated

1. get a glass of water

2. get 2 sugar coated advils

3. close your eyes and imagine its adderall

4. once you've made yourself believe, chug it down


TAAA-DAAAAAAAAA!!!!!

(P.S. If that didn't work, see if this article is convincing. Apparently it has science, whatever that is.)

No Peonies No Bueno

I called my go to flower shop yesterday and they told me peony season was over in Tokyo *sad emoji face with tear drop*. So I'm kinda bummed out today. 

In other un-novel news, depression sucks. I thought I was doing great this semester, which I am compared to where I was last year, but even though I feel like superman on steroids it still isn't up to par with everyone else (I got a lengthy and delicately written out e-mail from my law professor informing me of this yesterday). I feel like I have the intelligence to do it but not the energy. 

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Shades of Happiness

Gina Rockenwagner makes the prettiest quilts. I purchased one of her babies earlier this year but I still want another! I think this one would be lovely hung up on the wall. I love anything that contains hues of the rainbow and this quilt is the epitome of perfection. It's so dreamy ~

Daily Conversations: Scars

Friend: P., I know you're gonna think I'm stupid but how do use the laundry machines here in Japan? I never did laundry at home and the detergent ball I put in didn't break! Are you suppose to break it before you put it in? 

Me: Are you sure you put it in the laundry machine and not the dryer? 

Friend: Oh… That's why it was a kinda warm when I took it out. 

Me: T., you can't have only pimple scars. You need some I ran away from a tiger in India and still got bitten scars.

(P.S. She goes to Harvard. Our future's bright folks!!)

Looky Looky It's Baguettey

So I was looking on this site that sold really cute things and found out that people make baguette shaped baguette knives!! The only thing was, this site was selling these knives for $54 for the small one and like a billion dollars for the larger one. I seriously contemplated for a good 5 minutes whether I should buy one or not. I really really wanted one so I checked Ebay if someone would be selling it at a much cheaper price and they were! I got a small one for $25 shipping included :)

P.S. I feel like Baguette would be a cute name for a future baby. 

Weekend Goals

I have been in a weird funk for the last couple of days. I've been extra sleepy and extra contemplative about the future and stuff. I'm hoping this weekend I will get to catch up on some chores I left hanging so here's my weekend to-do list:

Ta-daaaa!!

1. Tidy-up Room
2. Do Laundry
3. Finish Homework
4. Plan My France Trip

I already made my bed which always feel like a big accomplishment. Since it takes up so much space having it all neat and pretty really makes the room feel brighter. 

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Cheer Me Up

I needed something colorful to cheer me up and looking at this photo kinda did it. I was a bit frustrated because it took me a while to get focused and started on one of my papers but I was able to get some done eventually. But it took me 3 hours to actually work up the motivation so thats the downer :/ One of those hours was spent perusing the Supreme Court website oohing and aahing over the plan your visit + job perspective page so I somehow justified that as productive. Also I might've fangirled a little when I saw which seat Justice Sotomayor sits in. 

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Daily Conversations: Sentimental Goodbye Words

Friend: Can you write a goodbye message on this post it for L., he's going back to Germany.

Me: But I barely talked to him, I don't wanna.

Friend: It doesn't matter, and we need your interesting personality (says it in a compliment-y do it or else sweet scary way)

Me: Fine.



When I hand the note back to her it reads in German:

According to statistics, 
Germans have really big penises. 
Congrats!

In Other News...

The cute guy I messaged replied! Yayyy!!!!!

My jubilation cannot be conveyed through any means of communication. Seriously. I've been on my bed squealing to myself for like the past 30 minutes.

Purty Lights

I found this light fixture on Anthropologie and I'm kind of in love. I don't own a house nor do I have enough money to even pay rent for a small basement of somebody's home in Newark, but I still like looking at pretty things I one day wish to decorate my house with. I'm consumerism at it's finest. 

A Shoecarriage

I found the cutest boots on Anthropologie that I'd been eyeing for a while and for some serendipitous reason they had a pair in my size though it had been out of stock when I checked numerous times before. So I called my mom immediately and asked her my to find my gift card I had left in my drawer next to my bed back home and she complied accordingly, but not before taking a nice long morning piss. And by the time she read me the number for my gift card the shoes were sold out in my size again. 

These were the babies I lost twice. 

This must be what pregnant teens feel like when their parents forced them to get an abortion. Mom I hope that was one good stream of yellow wonder your bladder released to lose my baby over.

(P.S. Mother if you're reading this, I still love you don't worry.)

I Lied I'm Eating Instead

So instead of catching up with my homework I am actually eating chocolate croissants to get myself ready for my trip to France this August and September. I'm not sure how exactly it gets me ready per say but that's the only excuse I could think of. And by the way the chocolate croissant I'm eating is waaaaay less pretty than the one pictured below. 

Shit Just Got Real

Yesterday was not a pretty day with me falling in and out of depression consciousness. But then I realized if I was able to survive this for almost a decade, then I can totally bounce back from one shitty day of depressiontopia. So off to catch up with my unfinished tasks. 

Daily Conversations: New York

Classmate: I lived in New York.

Me: Oh cool, where in New York?

Classmate: Connecticut.

Daily Conversations: Circumcision

Me: Wait was he circumcised?

Friend: I thought all guys naturally circumcised as they got older.

Covering Up My Birthday Suit In...

1. Dress 2. Shirt 3. Bag 4. Watermelon Popsicle 

So these are the things that I got in the past few weeks. Some haven't arrived yet but whenever I look at their picture I've just been squealing "look how pretty they are!!"

I love the colorfulness of the dress and I'm not sure if you can tell but on the cactus t-shirt it says "hug me" on the bottom. The woven tote I bought online from a guy in Spain so there really isn't a link sadly and as for the popsicle, that has been my meal for the last two days. No wonder I feel sluggish. 

Off to do some typing for my Creating Writing class. Hopefully I don't get distracted. Peace.

A Day In The Life

After a very anti-climatic dentist appointment to get my wisdom teeth pulled out yesterday, I snuggled in bed and watched Fargo. I thought I would have an awesome story to share but they literally got a serial killer looking clamp, went into my mouth, jiggled it, and pulled it out all within five seconds. Yet somehow I was still able to achieve the role of being the big baby and almost faint prompting them to stick a heart monitor thing on me. You can't feel cooler than that.

So I got home, watched Fargo and ate my body weight of junk food which consequently led me to feeling blargh. Therefore since yesterday afternoon I have done nothing. YUP! This is a day in the life of an unglamorous college student. But you know what? I'm still awesome. 

Truthies: Why I Didn't Change My Profile Pic to " = "

Remember some time ago when everyone was changing their Facebook profile pictures to the equal sign with the red background to support same sex marriage? Well even though I think marriage equality for all should be a given, I couldn't jump on the bandwagon and change the picture. And I feel a lot of people probably thought this way too even if they were mega supporters like me.

When you first change your profile picture to the " = " you feel awesome. But then a few weeks pass by and you're hanging out with your friends at an instagram-worthy place with perfect everything and they take the most amazing photo of you that makes you look beyond effable. Of course the initial reaction you're going to have is "OMG I have to make this my profile pic!!" like what every other human would do. And this is when you realize your previous pic was something meaningful a.k.a. the " = ". Now begins the internal battle of whether you change your photo to some super hot picture of yourself and risk getting seen as a narcissistic asshole for choosing look how pretty I am over I support equality. See how nothing good can come from this. I think the knowledge of me being a vain schmuck should be revealed in person after I gave them an impeccable first impression. 

Sooooo

I decided to move my other blog here. So this is me, a young female lad navigating my life through my twentysomethings. Join why don't you. Along the way there will be a sprinkle of inappropriateness, a dash of me fawning over pretty things, and a good amount of unprecedented happenings. Anyways, GO ME!!!!!