FYI

I'm gonna be doing lots of posting on my frustration here. I'm in France and the first week has been the best yet worse.

How I wished it'd gone:

How it actually gone:

Pretty much I'm just trying not to cry even though he did nothing wrong but it just didn't turn out how I wanted it to. I doubt it would be easier if he was an asshole but I just liked him more and more as I spent more time with him. God damn it. 

AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

I don't get it. Why can't the people you like just like you back. And why can't guys like being chased after than the one doing the chasing. And why can't people just stop making me feel shitty if I want to holler at the top of my lungs to the guy I like that I have the biggest fattest most physician cautioned obese crush on him. Aghhh sexual politics!!! 

Meet My New Lover

I've ate almost two pints of this in the past twelve hours with chocolate fudge magic shell. I have decided it's my new favorite ice cream combination. I'm so full with satisfaction and pure bliss, I'm not even sorry. 

Shitty Shitty Bang Bang

Though I have been doing better with motivation, I think the fact that I haven't planned my days and giving it structure is causing me to fall back to "I don't wanna do anything" mode. I think that's why so far today I can't muster up to do my homework. But instead of just watching TV all day I did: put tape on my nipples because I was too lazy to wear a bra right before leaving the house, sold some clothes and got some new scarves, and deposited money at the ATM. Buying a cherry coke did help me through even though I know it can melt toilet bowls or whatever. It was a delicious vice nonetheless. Now off to do some planning. 

Materialistic Swooning

I have no idea if these are any good but I really want them because the packaging is so darn cute. I feel like if I did get them and used it all up, I'd just refill it with cheaper stuff and pretend on to enjoy the faux classy look at the pretty things I have lifestyle I shamelessly covet. 

Chilling In The U.S.A.

I'm back in the U.S. now and realized the way I left off last, it seems like the neighborhood kids killed me. I'm living quite the glamourous life back, drinking coffee from instant packages they give you in hotel rooms my mother has accumulated over the years from business trips to different countries. Look at me being all thrifty.

Even though summer break has technically started, I'm spending my days until I leave for France next Saturday finishing my essays that've accumulated this semester. I was super reluctant and ashamed to tell my professors about my situation and ask them to give me an extension but I realized if I had cancer or any other shitty illness I wouldn't be so hard on myself. So I said screw it and told them and it was the best decision ever. And I think in this is the first time that my focus & motivation has continued every single day when I need it to. Go Me!!