Optimism FTW

Soooooooo… I was having a good November but when December rolled around I could feel something was off. He felt distant and not as fluffy. But I'm glad he told me how he truly felt and I am coming to terms with it. I felt kinda like I got acceptance letters to all these amazing school only for them to tell me, NOPE we don't want you hahahahahaha 

jk he said it in a sweet way so it wasn't really like that but it just feels like that. But you know what I'm awesome so suck it world. I am just gonna be nicer to you than you have been to me. 

I Need A Lighter

I want to burn this book. I found it on my abandoned bookshelf in my closet, looking through it, it makes me cringe seeing the values I thought a few years ago that were me. I want to live authentically and not be guided by should's and should not's. I can be just as feminine and amazing without books like these if I do not deny myself to live to my intuition.  

NOM NOM NOM

I just ate pasta an hour ago and now I ate another rice triangle and roll cake. But I still have so much appetite. I have never been craveful of food like this. And no I am not preggers. This is pretty much how I feel

FYI

I'm gonna be doing lots of posting on my frustration here. I'm in France and the first week has been the best yet worse.

How I wished it'd gone:

How it actually gone:

Pretty much I'm just trying not to cry even though he did nothing wrong but it just didn't turn out how I wanted it to. I doubt it would be easier if he was an asshole but I just liked him more and more as I spent more time with him. God damn it. 

AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

I don't get it. Why can't the people you like just like you back. And why can't guys like being chased after than the one doing the chasing. And why can't people just stop making me feel shitty if I want to holler at the top of my lungs to the guy I like that I have the biggest fattest most physician cautioned obese crush on him. Aghhh sexual politics!!! 

Meet My New Lover

I've ate almost two pints of this in the past twelve hours with chocolate fudge magic shell. I have decided it's my new favorite ice cream combination. I'm so full with satisfaction and pure bliss, I'm not even sorry. 

Shitty Shitty Bang Bang

Though I have been doing better with motivation, I think the fact that I haven't planned my days and giving it structure is causing me to fall back to "I don't wanna do anything" mode. I think that's why so far today I can't muster up to do my homework. But instead of just watching TV all day I did: put tape on my nipples because I was too lazy to wear a bra right before leaving the house, sold some clothes and got some new scarves, and deposited money at the ATM. Buying a cherry coke did help me through even though I know it can melt toilet bowls or whatever. It was a delicious vice nonetheless. Now off to do some planning.