Shitty Shitty Bang Bang

Though I have been doing better with motivation, I think the fact that I haven't planned my days and giving it structure is causing me to fall back to "I don't wanna do anything" mode. I think that's why so far today I can't muster up to do my homework. But instead of just watching TV all day I did: put tape on my nipples because I was too lazy to wear a bra right before leaving the house, sold some clothes and got some new scarves, and deposited money at the ATM. Buying a cherry coke did help me through even though I know it can melt toilet bowls or whatever. It was a delicious vice nonetheless. Now off to do some planning. 

Chilling In The U.S.A.

I'm back in the U.S. now and realized the way I left off last, it seems like the neighborhood kids killed me. I'm living quite the glamourous life back, drinking coffee from instant packages they give you in hotel rooms my mother has accumulated over the years from business trips to different countries. Look at me being all thrifty.

Even though summer break has technically started, I'm spending my days until I leave for France next Saturday finishing my essays that've accumulated this semester. I was super reluctant and ashamed to tell my professors about my situation and ask them to give me an extension but I realized if I had cancer or any other shitty illness I wouldn't be so hard on myself. So I said screw it and told them and it was the best decision ever. And I think in this is the first time that my focus & motivation has continued every single day when I need it to. Go Me!!

No Peonies No Bueno

I called my go to flower shop yesterday and they told me peony season was over in Tokyo *sad emoji face with tear drop*. So I'm kinda bummed out today. 

In other un-novel news, depression sucks. I thought I was doing great this semester, which I am compared to where I was last year, but even though I feel like superman on steroids it still isn't up to par with everyone else (I got a lengthy and delicately written out e-mail from my law professor informing me of this yesterday). I feel like I have the intelligence to do it but not the energy. 

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Shit Just Got Real

Yesterday was not a pretty day with me falling in and out of depression consciousness. But then I realized if I was able to survive this for almost a decade, then I can totally bounce back from one shitty day of depressiontopia. So off to catch up with my unfinished tasks.